I found this bizarre list in an obscure paperback called The Celebrity Book of Lists, by Ed Lucaire.  Published in 1983 by Stein and Day, the “First Sex Experiences of Celebrities” was itself excerpted from The First Time, by Anne Taylor Fleming and Karl Fleming, published in 1975 by Simon and Schuster.  Of course, that this information has a provenence doesn’t make it true.  (Liberace lied in print about his sexual preference and his entire life.  His memories here seem as overly embellished as his floral piano style and at least twice as likely to induce spontaneous vomiting).  If you have ever wondered about singer Lou Rawls’ first sexual encounter or hankered to hear about actress Dyan Cannon breaking her hyman, than this is the piece for you.  To be honest, this is pretty tawdry stuff.  At first I thought, “Who wants to contemplate Grace Slick bleeding vaginally?”  Then I remembered Oscar Wilde’s quote (which is Stargayzing’s motto), “we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars,” and answered my own question:”Everybody.” So here then, is the whole nasty excerpt as it appeared in the 1983 book, including the Grace Slick vagina part.  Forgive me Stargayzers, just remember to keep looking up

.Some celebrities have revealed surprising details about their pasts, especially about their first sex experiences.  Like most first sex experiences, they tend to be either anticlimactic or traumatic.  The following are representative first sex experiences of celebrities:

Liberace (pianist), 13 years old: “Like, I lost my virginity, if you call it that, when I was about thirteen.  I think I was raped.  I was playing piano….she was a big, hcesty, broad who sang blues songs.  She was a very good-looking woman, and kind of wild, but she was old enough to be my mother—in her thirties…It was a warm summer night and she was driving some kind of covered hardtop car.  After a while she pulled over and stopped on the side of this dirt road and all of a sudden this hand started coming up my leg and she said, “Oh, you’re a big boy, aren’t you?”  Then she took it out and started gobbling it.  I didn’t quite know what was happening, but I liked it.  I liked it.  I was all ready in a few minutes for a repeat.  Then she crawled over on my lap and screwed me.  It was very fast, like, would you believe five strokes?”
Victoria Principal (actress), 17 years old:  “It was a month before my eighteeenth birthday that I finally lost my virginity….We were in the front seat.  To have gotten in the back would have seemed to premeditated and I was still holding on to some vestige of propriety.  It was very short and there was no particular pain or pleasure, no particular physical sensation.  In fact, afterward I thought, ‘Jesus, there’s got to be more than this.  If not, I’m going back to the other stuff because petting was a lot of fun.'”

Dyan Cannon (actress), 17 years old:  “It was a nice Jewish boy who made love to me first.  If I was going to do it, it had to be with a nice Jewish boy.  He was gorgeous and all the girls wanted him.  He looked like Jean-Paul Belmondo, only more perfect….There wasn’t any foreplay.  None.  We just walked in, sat down on this afghan on the sofa, and awkwardly went to it.  There was nothing poetic about it all…After he left I looked down and there was blood all over the afghan.  I went hysterical.  My mother had knitted that afghan and put it on our yellow velvet couch so it wouldn’t get dirty.  I rinsed the blood out of it under the cold water faucet.”

Lou Rawls (singer), 13 years old:  “This lady couldn’t have been a day under forty, and she was fat, super fat…She pulled my pajamas down so that my little butt was sticking out.  Then she pulled her nightgown up and pulled the covers up on top of us.  It was hot and sweaty and she had me.  She just kept hunching and going, ‘Uh, Uh, Uh’ until finally she let out this one big yell and her arms flew out.  That was the first time she let me go since she pulled me up there, so I rolled off, and pretty soon she starts snoring.  I think I balled a wrinkle.  There wasn’t any sensation for me, no orgasm or anything.  I was embarrassed and just felt like I was paying her for the food.”

Nora Ephron (writer), 19 years old:  “While a junior at Wellesley College, with a Harvard student.  “We finally did it in his dormitory room at Harvard, on his bed.  It was over very quickly, and I don’t remember much phsyical sensation one way or the other.  It didn’t hurt and it wasn’t terribly pleasant.  Just a kind of nothing feeling.  I remember thinking, ‘My god, is this it?  Is this what I’e been going through all this torment about?’  It was very disappointing.”

Joan Rivers (comedienne), 20 years old:  “The first time I slept with someone was a devestating experience.  It was like ‘This is it!’  It was like the biggest thing in my life, and it was with a guy I’d known since I was fourteen…And I was giving him the supreme gift that Joan Molinsky could bestow on anybody.  I was very dramatic about the whole thing, a lot of looks and no talk and all that junk.  Physically, it was like nothing.  You read in the books, ‘She took to it like an animal.’  I just said, ‘huh, is it over?’  The whole thing lasted about a minute and a half, including buying the dress.”

Rudy Vallee (singer), 6 years of age:  “Don’t ask me how, but I screwed for the first time when I was about six years old.  I don’t remember much about it.  We were all so young.  There were four or five of us, and we all went up to the icehouse near the beaver pond behind Valentine School and screwed this girl.  I don’t remember much about her except that she wasn’t very attractive.  How the hell four or five of us happened to gang up on her that afternoon, I don’t know.  Hell, she invited us.  There was no raping or anything.  It was all very sweet and gentle and relaxed.  I was so young that I didn’t even know why we were doing it.”

Grace Slick (singer), 18 years old:  “Fucking, until you got in college, wasn’t particularly well looked upon.  I didn’t lose my cherry until the night I graduated from high school, Castilleja, old Castle A, which is a girls’ school…I was out with a guy who lived in Carmel….We had a lot to drink and we were all kind of drunk.  It took a long time, maybe four hours, because you weren’t supposed to be doing it, essentially…I didn’t bleed, and it wasn’t painful at all.  I was horny and I enjoyed it a lot.  Balling is always good, and sometimes it just knocks your brains out.  The first time you ball somebody is always excellent…”

Jack Lemmon (actor), 18 years old:  “The first time I had an affair I was in a parked car in a parking lot in Harvard Square.  I had just gotten to Harvard and had ended up that evening with a girl I had met several times.  She was old—twenty-two or twenty-three—not a student, working in the bookstore…It was an old Model A or something…We’re in the seat and I can’t get over this shift and I’m trapped, and I’m going fucking crazy and I’m sweating and it’s just the most uncomfortable god-damned thing you can imagine.  Finally, I’m upside down…She had just had her panties off and I had my Navy bell-bottoms—I was in the Reserve—pulled down…Jesus Christ, it was not at all touching.  I didn’t feel guilty, just disappointed.  You had visions, you know, of the deep thrust.  But instead—up, down, up, down.”

Sally Kellerman (actress), 21 years old:  “I don’t know what the guy did.  I met him somewhere.  I was working as a waitress….He had a place in the Valley and we went to his place.  I was frightened.  Emotionally.  Physically too, probably because I didn’t know what was coming….I was panicked.  I was horrified, horrified.  Afterwards he felt like being close, and I said, ‘Oh, please, dont talk about it.'”

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